This appeared last week and reminded
me of the importance of having a thought through view on the topic:
‘We’re going to talk about death today – your death’: a
doctor on what it’s like to end a life rather than extend one
I used to
focus on maternity and newborn care, but when Canada legalised assisted dying
in 2016, I began helping people with a different transition
By Dr
Stefanie Green
Sat 15 Mar
2025 22.00 AEDT
The patient
referral comes through my reliable old fax machine on a single sheet of paper.
“Thanks for seeing this 74-year-old gentleman with end-stage liver failure.
He’s been following the news carefully and is eager to make a request for an
assisted death. I hear you’ll be providing this service here in Victoria –
courageous! I look forward to your assessment. Summary of his file is below.” I
read it twice to myself before sharing it with Karen, my office manager. We
look at each other for a short moment before I break the silence. “His name is
Harvey. I’m going to need a chart.”
While Karen
makes a chart for Harvey – demographics on the front sheet, blank request forms
in the back – I dial his number. His wife, Norma, answers. As Harvey isn’t
mobile, I agree to meet them at their home.
Three days
later, I stand in my bathroom brushing my teeth and practising what I will say,
the tone I want to set. If Harvey meets all the criteria, he will be the first
patient to whom I will offer medical assistance in dying (MAiD), following its
legalisation in Canada just a few days earlier, in June 2016.
At the time I
had been practising medicine for more than 20 years, trained as a family
physician, and focused on maternity and newborn care, preparing women and their
families for the profound transition a new baby would bring to their lives. But
when it became clear the law was about to change to allow MAiD, I changed
course with it, learning everything I could about this newly emerging field so
that I could support people with their final wishes and their transition at the
other end of life.
When I arrive
at Harvey’s home for the assessment, a man in his 70s with a bushy grey
moustache opens the door and smiles sadly as he extends his hand. “Hi, thanks
for coming. I’m Rod, Harvey’s brother-in-law.”
I cross the
threshold and am ushered upstairs, where I see a man in a bathrobe and a woman
sitting close together on a couch. “Hello, Doctor, thank you for coming,” she
says, smiling. “I’m Norma.” Her hands fidgeting, she appears slightly nervous,
or maybe just awkward. I recognise the same feeling within myself.
Dressed in
grey pyjamas and covered with a warm blanket, Harvey looks years older than
Norma. I notice his protuberant, fluid-filled abdomen and papery, yellowed
skin, signs that his liver failure is advanced. I see his frail hands and
gaunt, unshaved face. He likely has only weeks left to live.
“Good to meet
you,” I say as I give his hand a squeeze. It is cool and bony, mottled with
purple, and has little musculature left, but he holds on a little tighter and
just a moment longer than I expect, slowly shifting his gaze to look me
straight in the eye before letting go. I sit down in front of Harvey and ready
myself to begin what I have been practising all morning. “I’d like to start by
breaking the first rule of medical school.”
Harvey
musters a sly grin, intrigued, but doesn’t say anything, which I take as an
invitation to continue.
“In medical
school, they taught me that when I meet a new patient, I should let them speak
first … But I want to start by telling you something about myself. I want to
tell you that I am pretty direct,” I say.
Harvey is
egging me on with a slow, wobbly nod.
“We’re going
to talk about death today, and we’re going to talk about dying,” I continue.
“We’re going to talk about your death, and we’re going to talk about assisted
dying. We’re also going to talk about what’s important to you. I’m going to
talk about these things frankly. I’m not going to use euphemisms or talk about
‘passing over meadows’.” I pause and lower my voice, addressing Harvey
directly. “You OK with that?”
I am relieved
to see he is smiling. “Yes, that’s exactly what I hoped for,” he says. “No more
bullshit.” His voice is a bit gravelly, but this last word comes out strong,
emphatic. “We’re going to get along just fine,” he adds.
What to wear?
All black seems morbid, bright colours too festive. I want to look professional
but not cold, casual but no jeans
I get down to
the essentials. “Why do you want to die?”
Harvey
smirks. “I don’t! I’d rather live. I’ve had a great life. But it seems I no
longer have much say in the matter.”
It’s my turn
to nod.
“I’ve got
great friends, great kids, we’re blessed with family all around us. I know I’m
lucky. I’ve been married to this gal here for 52 years … ” He trails off, holds
Norma’s hand, shakes it at me a bit and swallows some emotion before
continuing. “I really wanted to make it to 52 years, and I did.” He’s quieter
now, his energy already drained. “Now I’m ready.”
Harvey is
straightforward with me. He knows he is dying, that it will not be long, but he
wants to control the how and the when.
“I want Norma
and the kids with me at the end,” he says with a flash of spirit, “here, in my
home, in my own bedroom … I want to do it my way. I want to have my friends
over this weekend, have one last bash, maybe even sneak a sip of a beer.” He
smiles at the thought. “I’ve seen friends linger on at the end … in bed … out
of their minds. I’m not interested in putting myself or my family through
that.”
Harvey ticks
every box of eligibility. He is capable of making his own decisions, he is
making a voluntary request, and he has a grievous and irremediable condition.
He will need to sign an official request form, and Norma assures me it will be
completed by the end of the day, witnessed by two independent people. After
that, a mandatory 10-day reflective period can begin. The law also requires a
second clinical opinion, so I will call a local colleague to see if he is
available.
The next few
days are busy. As is expected with his liver failure, Harvey continues to
decline cognitively. If he declines too much, too quickly, he won’t be able to
give his final consent immediately before the procedure, which is required.
Because the second doctor and I agree this risk is imminent, we are allowed to
shorten the waiting period. Harvey chooses a date three days out.
True to his
word, two days before his scheduled death, Harvey and Norma host an open house
for friends and neighbours to celebrate his life and say goodbye. Meanwhile, I
review all the practicalities and guidelines. I am keenly aware that if I get
anything wrong, I could be liable for criminal charges. The words “up to 14
years in prison” keep flashing in the back of my mind. No one yet has a sense
of the mood of the prosecutors. Are they waiting to meticulously comb through
each case and make an example of a clinician who makes a mistake? I’m not
willing to leave anything to chance. Harvey isn’t just my first assisted death.
His is the first on Vancouver Island and among the first in Canada. I am aware
that I need to get this right – for myself, for the MAiD programme but, most
important, for Harvey.
It’s 16 June
2016, the day Harvey has chosen to die. This is all about him, but it’s
momentous for everyone involved. This morning I stood in my bedroom, staring
into my closet, considering choices and discarding them immediately. What does
one wear to a scheduled death? All black seemed morbid, bright colours too
festive. I wanted to look professional but not cold, casual but no jeans. How
could this be the hardest part of my day? I’ll be picking up the
medication at 10am, I’m expected at Harvey’s by 11 and I suspect he’ll be dead
before noon.
I pull up
outside, close enough to have arrived, far enough that no one from inside can
tell I’m here yet. I take a deep breath. In medical school, the saying was “see
one, do one, teach one”. But in this case, there has been no way for me to “see
one”. The law changed only a few days ago. I am about to take a big, blind
step.
I leave the
car and stride to the door. Once inside, I head upstairs. I catch Norma’s eye
from across the room, but before I can get over to greet her, I meet Jessica,
the nurse practitioner who will assist me, standing at the top of the stairs in
her scrubs and stocking feet. All I can think of is that I do not want the
family to suspect we have never actually met. I don’t want to do anything that
might remind them I have never done this before.
There are
eight close family members in the house. I ask to speak privately with Harvey
for a few minutes and am told he’s in his bedroom, so I head there. Sitting in
the chair by the bed, I begin, “How was your night?”
“It was what
it was,” he replies. “I’m ready to go. I need this to be over today.”
The official
purpose of this talk is for me to verify that Harvey is still clear of mind,
that he still wishes to proceed and, if so, to obtain his final consent.
“Are you
having any second thoughts?”
“No, none at
all.”
Harvey
reassures me that his affairs are all in order; his funeral plans have been
made, the names of his lawyer and his accountant have been written out for the
family. He expresses some concern about those he will be leaving behind. I try
to reassure him I will provide them with some resources.
“Thank you
for making this possible.”
I don’t
recall who reached out first or when we began holding hands, but, once again,
he is holding mine a little longer and a little tighter than expected.
“You know,
I’m a little scared.”
“Of course
you are … that’s OK.”
We talk, take
the time we need. No one is in a rush.
“What do you
think comes next, Dr Green?”
“I really
don’t know, Harvey. What do you think?”
“I’m not a
religious man, not even very spiritual. But I do not believe this is the end.
It just can’t be.”
‘I join the
family in the living room, explain the order of events, the number of
syringes.’ Photograph: Rachel Pick/The Guardian
“OK. But what
if it were, Harvey?” I ask. “What would you change, do differently?”
He continues
to hold my hand. I hear his regrets – there are few – and of what he is most
proud. I learn so much from Harvey. I am already grateful that he is my
first MAiD patient.
At some point
we both fall silent. I explain that I will go speak with his family about what
to expect. By now I’ve reassured myself that he is still capable of making this
choice. I hand him the required form and watch as he scratches out an unsteady
version of his signature, then I join the family in the living room. I explain
the order of events, the number of syringes – Harvey has chosen the intravenous
option for his final medications – and the time for last words. I ask if there
is any ritual or ceremony they’d like to incorporate, then I get down to the
details. “The first medication is an anti-anxiety drug. It will make Harvey
relax, feel pretty good, pretty sleepy. He’s already quite weak, so I expect
he’ll fall quickly into a nice light sleep. We might hear him snore; that’s one
way you’ll know he’s truly comfortable.”
I am trying
to be as transparent and informative as I can.
“The second
medication is a local anaesthetic to numb the vein. It may not be necessary if
he is sleeping already, but some of the other medications can sting a bit, so
I’ll use this to be sure he won’t feel any discomfort.”
I notice
involuntary nodding from Harvey’s brother, his son. I recognise relief on
Norma’s face and see blank stares on the others’ … the reality is starting to
sink in.
“The third
medication is the stuff we would normally give someone for an operation, except
it’s a much larger dose. With this, Harvey will go into a much deeper sleep,
down into a coma over the course of a couple minutes. If you’re looking
carefully, you might notice his breathing begins to space out with this
medication.”
I am using my
hands now to gesture what is going to happen. “His breathing will become more
shallow and will most likely stop.”
I am looking
around, trying to judge reactions.
“Even though
I expect Harvey will die with this third medication, I will go ahead and use
the fourth in our protocol, which ensures there is no muscular movement in the
body. I will let you know when his heart has stopped. This whole process is
likely to last between eight and 10 minutes.” I lower my voice a little. “I do
not expect you will see any gasping or twitching or anything unsettling. My
goal is to make this as comfortable and as dignified as possible. But there is
a real possibility his breathing will stop before his heart does. If that’s the
case, you will likely see a paling of his face, maybe a bit of yellowing. His
mouth might drop open slightly. His lips may turn a bit blue. If you find
yourself uncomfortable at any time, please feel free to step back, sit down or
step out. There is no medal for staying in the room. I will be focused on what
I am doing, so I’ll need you to take care of yourselves in those few moments,
if necessary. OK?”
Muted nods. A
few people breathe out as if they hadn’t realised they were holding their
breath.
“That’s the
nuts and bolts of it. I expect it’s all feeling a bit real right now. Any
questions?”
There’s a
pregnant pause, then a previously quiet man in his mid-70s asks, “You got any
extra of that anti-anxiety stuff, Doc? I could use a dose myself right now.”
Harvey’s wife
tells him to let go. As on most nights of his life, hers are the last words he
hears as he falls asleep
Back in
Harvey’s room, he is calm, he is smiling, and he appears certain. His love for
family has been evident from the start and they are all here with him now. We
are huddled in closely around his bed. I ask if anyone has anything left
unsaid. Harvey’s son reaches out from beside me and places his open palm
directly on Harvey’s chest. He repeats that he loves Harvey and thanks him for
being such a great dad. Harvey reminds them all that this is what he wants and
asks them not to be sad.
I take hold
of Harvey’s left arm. Only after he looks me in the eye and thanks me one last
time do I think to begin. When I announce I will start, I sense Jessica reach
out from behind me. I didn’t realise how tense I was until she put her hand on
my back. I feel myself relax as I push the first medication through the
syringe.
“Maybe now is
a good time to think of a great memory,” I begin, “doing something you loved,
with someone you loved … Go to that place now, feel that moment again … If you
feel sleepy, go ahead and close your eyes, you’ve earned it. We’re all here
with you.”
Then Harvey
dies exactly as he wished: being held by his children and gazing into the eyes
of his wife as he begins to feel sleepy. They connect, forehead to forehead,
whispering to each other as I continue. She holds his face in her hands,
strokes his head and tells him it’s OK. She tells him she loves him, that she
will miss him, but that she is all right. She whispers inaudible words, evoking
private memories, and he smiles. The intimacy of this moment is so absorbing
that I struggle to focus on what I’m doing. She tells him to let go, that she
is here with him, and as on most nights of his life, hers are the last words he
hears as he falls asleep.
Harvey
musters a light snore. Norma recognises the sound and dabs at her eyes. I
continue with my protocol, and Harvey soon stops breathing; no one says
anything, but I am certain we all take notice. I understand in that moment that
I am witnessing this event as much as I am orchestrating it. I continue on to
the final medication and immediately notice it doesn’t flow as smoothly as the
others did. I have an instant of panic, wondering if my IV line is blocked, but
it takes only a moment for me to understand it’s because Harvey’s blood is no
longer circulating. I am certain his heart has stopped, but I continue
nonetheless. Only after the last medication is delivered do I cap and lock the
IV. Only after the empty syringes are resealed within the plastic container do
I reach for my stethoscope. And only after I listen for a complete 60 seconds
do I announce, “He’s gone.”
Only then do
his family members allow themselves to be overcome by their loss. There are
sobs, tight-clenched hugs and flowing tears. To my utter astonishment, there is
also an immediate outpouring of gratitude for what I have just done, and for
this, I’ll admit, I was unprepared.
By February
2017 I’d gone from being a beginner in a new field of medicine to feeling more
certain of what I was doing. I was becoming known among local family
practitioners and specialists for my work in assisted dying, and the number of
referrals to my office continued to climb. The latest concerned a patient
called Edna, whose worsening multiple system atrophy was affecting every aspect
of her life. Two weeks earlier, her palliative care physician, Dr Vass, had
been visiting when she’d asked him for MAiD by scratching out letters on a
whiteboard. It was one week after her 77th birthday, just after she’d returned
home from a hospitalisation, and she had repeated her plea several times since.
Edna managed
a slight smile upon my arrival at her home a few days later, but her eyes
seemed locked in a blank gaze. I noticed her frail body was strapped into her
padded chair to stay upright. Before I even began, Edna was already scratching
on the whiteboard. I waited for her to finish, three letters that said it all:
“D-i-E”.
I was
surprised and thankful she was still able to write. She looked up and I thought
she was done. She uttered a sound I didn’t understand, then brought the marker
down forcefully, drawing my attention to her message. “D-i-E P-L-S-!”
Request
received.
Edna was
close to her sister, Mindy, from whom I learned that Edna had been a pioneer
for most of her life, one of only two women to graduate with a bachelor’s
degree in biology from her college back in 1960. She taught high school science
for two decades, did a few stints as the principal of two schools, then retired
from her post as superintendent of the school district at 68. An avid hiker and
a supporter of women’s rights, Edna had remained active and involved in various
volunteer positions until her diagnosis overwhelmed her.
Edna was now
unable to walk or talk, and had become dependent on others for care. Recently,
she’d been losing the ability to swallow, and had landed in hospital last month
after aspirating food into her lungs. There was talk of inserting a feeding
tube into her stomach. She didn’t want that. She saw no reason to prolong her
life as it was, but did not wish to starve to death.
I spoke again
to Dr Vass and two weeks later I returned to Edna’s bedside with the news that
I was convinced she was eligible, and I was willing to help her. She drew a
happy face … no eyes, just a smile. We then turned to practical matters. Edna
had been raised in a religious home and still had family who were deeply
faithful. She’d been worried about their reaction, so she’d kept much of the
decision-making to herself. Now she would share her choice, and hoped they’d be
willing to join her on the day of her death. With Mindy’s help, we discussed
some of the obstacles she foresaw, and I arranged for a hospice counsellor to
facilitate what everyone expected would be a difficult conversation.
It didn’t go
well. The counsellor said she had encouraged people to express their feelings
and listen to others’ points of view, but much of the meeting had felt like a
sermon: “As her brother was talking, she took the time to write out ‘CHRiStN
ANtAgONiSM’. I’d say she’s determined to proceed.” When I returned to talk
about choreographing the day of her death, Edna informed me that her relatives
would not be joining us.
On the
afternoon of Edna’s scheduled death, I arrived at her home expecting it would
be a quiet affair. Instead, I walked into a chaotic scene. I could hear a man’s
voice yelling as I opened the front door. Edna’s nephew Andrew and his wife
were standing at the foot of her bed, pleading with her to reconsider.
“They have
poisoned your mind!” Andrew thundered. “The church will never condone this.
Your soul will never rest.” His anger was mounting. “We will never condone
this!”
“Good
afternoon,” I announced loudly. The yelling stopped immediately. “I’m Dr
Green.”
Edna looked
calm, but her face was hard to read. I asked Andrew and his wife if we might
talk in another room. I told them I respected their position, but it really
didn’t matter what they wanted or believed: “This decision is Edna’s and Edna’s
alone.”
Andrew lapsed
into silence. He stood up abruptly, then sat back down. “How can it be possible
that, as a close family member, my arguments won’t be taken into account?” he
asked.
I assured him
his arguments were important but only in relation to his own healthcare and no
one else’s. “This is unconscionable!” he began ramping up again. “If you
proceed, I’ll call the police. In fact, I’ll call them anyway. This must be
stopped. You cannot just kill my aunt.”
I was
concerned to see him so upset, but Edna’s diagnosis was clear and she had made
a voluntary, formal request. I felt sorry for her family, I understood they
would need support, but I would not be bullied out of my responsibilities, nor
would I let them bully Edna.
“You can
call,” I said. “I suspect they will be helpful in enforcing the law and
escorting you out of this house.” Then I checked my tone and took a breath. “It
would be a shame if that were Edna’s final memory of you.” We stared at each
other in silence.
“I see,” he
said, and stood up once more. “Alice, we are leaving. We’ve done what we could.
Aunt Edna will pay the price. I will not attend her murder.”
And with
that, they walked out. Mindy was just arriving, but they did not stop to talk.
I was saddened to see them go, but I was also relieved.
In an odd
twist of fate, I was alone at this procedure. There had been a conflict in
scheduling, so Jessica had come by earlier to start the IV, then left. In the
end there was just Edna, Mindy and me in the bedroom, and Edna used the
whiteboard to provide her consent. When I asked if she was ready to begin, she
grunted and nodded slightly, then grabbed my hand and squeezed firmly, three
times. I didn’t really know what her hand squeezes meant, but they felt like a
thank you to me. For a woman who couldn’t speak any more, I thought she’d
communicated beautifully. I began.
Later, alone
in my car, I ran over the events in my mind. Andrew referring to Edna’s death
as a murder had been upsetting, even though I knew it was purposeful hyperbole.
I had to remind myself it was Edna’s disease that was killing her and my role
was only to facilitate her free will. Afterwards I asked colleagues if they’d
ever encountered such resistance, and I’m sorry to say I wasn’t alone. Much
more common, though, were friends or family members who declined to attend,
citing differences in values, but remained respectful of their loved one’s
right to do as they pleased.
I spent
several weeks worrying about whether Edna’s event might lead to a complaint to
the professional licensing body. I was confident of the outcome, but dreaded
having to go through the process. I took comfort in the fact that, in the end,
Edna died with dignity, holding the hand of a person who loved her, confident
in her decision and empowered by a rights-based legal system. I’m happy to
report no complaint was made.
This is an
edited extract from This Is Assisted Dying: A Doctor’s Story of Empowering
Patients at the End of Life by Stefanie Green, published by Simon &
Schuster on 27 March at £20. To support the Guardian and Observer, order your
copy at guardianbookshop.com
Here is the link:
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/mar/15/were-going-to-talk-about-death-today-your-death-a-doctor-on-what-its-like-to-end-a-life-rather-than-extend-one
I thought this was an excellent
discussion of a topic which I still find somewhat unsettling. At an
intellectual level I am comfortable in easing severe unending suffering when it
is needed but I still have a concern about the mechanics and actuality of the
process and think careful reflection upon actions in this domain is vital.
Despite knowing this is a desired
outcome by a clearly well supported and genuinely requesting patient at the
practical end of their life one still has to take careful pause….
I am not at all sure I could be an active
participant in delivering such care, although I am sure knowing the patient,
their circumstances and the degree of their suffering would make such action far
easier
How do you feel about personal
involvement in such processes?
David.